The Fed+Fit Podcast | Nurturing a Healthy Mindset for a Healthy Lifestyle
We’re back with our 54th episode of the Fed+Fit Podcast! Remember to check back every Monday for a new episode and be sure to subscribe on iTunes!
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Ep. 54: Dating a Paleo Woman According to 3 Non-Paleo Bachelors
On today’s episode, 3 non-paleo bachelors share their thoughts on dating a paleo woman.
Cassy Joy: And we’re back with another episode of the Fed and Fit podcast. Thanks so much for dialing in everybody. I am so excited about today’s episode. It’s kind of a little fun pet project of mine. I got this wild idea for an episode based on some questions that ladies had been emailing me. I like to think of myself as, I have some of the answers. But I definitely don’t have all of the answers. But I will bring you the people that at least have those other answers that I don’t.
So for this one, it was all about dating. I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately about, really just how to handle. I’m really just going to speak to just the ladies on today’s episode. but you’re a gal, and you’re out on a date. Or you like a guy, or he’s already asked you out. When is the appropriate time to tell him that you follow a paleo lifestyle? When do you tell him that you like CrossFit? Because some of us; a lot of ladies, at least that have been writing me are kind of afraid of the connotations associated with all that stuff.
So I thought who better to ask than my three most favorite eligible non-paleo bachelors. So, bachelor number one. I am so pleased to introduce you guys to Dr. Preston Carlisle. Preston is a second-year psychiatric resident at Wake Forest University in Winston Salem, North Carolina. He and I have known each other for about 15 years. Which, probably made me feel older than anything I’ve ever written in my entire life {laughs}. We both attended Health Careers high school, actually, in San Antonio. It was a magnet school. And Preston did me the honor of attending senior prom as my date.
So I don’t want you to be too intimidated, ladies, but I have to brag on Preston just a minute. He’s spent a year playing semi-professional football, graduated from Brown Medical School, and has his own incredible wealth of personal nutrition and fitness experience. Especially as it relates to his time spent in athletics in high school and then in college and then in that semi-professional league. So he’s a really great resource. I don’t know, Preston. I don’t think you consider yourself paleo, which is why I thought you’d be perfect for this show. Plus, you’re funny, and you’re a straight shooter, and I know you’ll give me some straight answers. So welcome to the show!
Preston Carlisle: Thanks for that introduction that is only going to lead to disappointment for all of your listeners. That was very nice. Some of the things sounded maybe true.
Cassy Joy: {laughs} They’re all true. They’re all true. That’s my favorite part of this job, actually, when I interview people. Is bragging on them. Because it’s so much fun. It’s so much fun to hear somebody else say what you do. It always sounds better than when you say it in your head. Well cool. I’m excited. You know, I want to pick your brain on the dating scene. You and I haven’t lived in the same state in 15 years just about. So we’ve kept in touch with phone, and social media and things like that. But I’d love to kind of hear your perspective. You always have a unique perspective on things.
Preston Carlisle: {laughs}
Cassy Joy: {laughs} So, first off.
Preston Carlisle: That was a very nice way of saying that.
Cassy Joy: I don’t know what you mean by that. {laughing} I’m just kidding.
Preston Carlisle: I feel like soon everyone is going to know what you mean.
Cassy Joy: Everyone is going to be aware. {laughs} Ok, well let’s kick this thing off. What do you think is the best way for a lady to address her dietary concerns going into a new dating relationship?
Preston Carlisle: The best way to address any concerns that you might have going on a date is if you know where you’re going for dinner; call ahead. Look at the menu ahead of time. Look at things that you can eat that are within your dietary restrictions or regimen. I think that’s fair. The guy usually puts in a lot of effort to find an appropriate date. So, putting in that little bit of effort I think would probably go a long way.
Cassy Joy: That’s a really great idea. I would have never thought of that. To research the restaurant and just become comfortable with the menu. And then when you get there, you’re ready to just place your order, and you can just go on trucking through the night. There are so many of these people who are fit and active, and for some reason they think that that’s going to be an awkward elephant in the room to address. And it’s really not. I mean, I think it doesn’t have to be seen as a bad thing. If anything, it’s a great thing. It shows that you take care of yourself, and you put yourself as a priority in that regard. But that’s a great answer.
Preston Carlisle: It’s the only kind that I have, Cassy.
Cassy Joy: {laughs} I know. It’s why I don’t sound surprised. What kind of advice would you have for really great women who are looking to date really great guys?
Preston Carlisle: I think knowing what you’re looking for is important. Being honest in what you’re looking for is of utmost importance. And what you’re looking for isn’t necessarily what the next person is looking for, isn’t necessarily what society says you should be looking for. But I think being honest with yourself as to what you’re looking for is probably a really good starting place.
Cassy Joy: That’s great advice. That really is. And being honest about that. Knowing when you’re sitting down, it kind of eliminate some of the confusion and some of the fear and some of the anxiety around the first date if you’re kind of already friends with somebody, and they probably already meet a lot of what you’re looking for.
What is it that you, Dr. Preston Carlisle, are looking for in a lady? I’m surprising you with this question, I’m sorry. You asked to be prepped and I totally surprised you with this one.
Preston Carlisle: Yeah. Thank you for that.
Cassy Joy: {laughs}
Preston Carlisle: That’s what I wanted. I was hoping for that. I honestly would probably take things like self-respect, and knowing what they want. Again, going back to those things. That way there’s no surprised, no secrets. I think that dating is, at least at my age, it’s no longer a sport. It’s not something to win. You don’t get a trophy at the end, per se. Participation trophy. It’s not a sport.
Again, knowing what you want. Being both honest and forthcoming about that. And having self-respect in all of its forms. Those are pluses. Those are big ones that we look for. So, I think overall I think being forthcoming and honest with what you want and expect, both I guess for yourself and for the other person is big. Self-respect is extremely important. And you know, obviously just a rocking bod.
Cassy Joy: {laughs} Totally. And you know what, self-respect can really contribute to that. I like to think that one of the reasons when. Preston; I don’t think you and I saw each other for; we haven’t seen each other, actually, in person in a really long time. But you know, when I graduated from college I was a very different person than I was in high school. I was really sick, and I didn’t take great care of myself in college. With food and all that stuff and I did all of the stupid diets. And of course, none of them worked, and I just got sicker and sicker. And I wound up in like a size 12-14 dress.
And then essentially what happened, you know like a switch just flipped in my brain. And I decided that I respected myself too much to be in pain like that. Because my joints really hurt and everything. I carried the size well, because I’m a taller girl, so it wasn’t really obvious, I think. I didn’t look overweight. But anyway, as soon as I really started respecting myself and taking care of myself and I follow a grain-free paleo kind of lifestyle, all of a sudden, my body shifted and I just became a lot healthier. So I think that healthy people, it’s kind of their they’re walking the talk, so to speak. The self-respect talk. And they’re actually living it out.
Preston Carlisle: I couldn’t agree more. Feeling good is an integral part of carrying yourself and acting in a manner in which you believe you should be treated by others. And that’s something that’s not tangible. But it’s definitely palpable.
Cassy Joy: Totally. Oh, that’s beautiful Preston.
Preston Carlisle: Yeah, that’s kind of my thing.
Cassy Joy: {laughs} really beautiful words of wisdom?
Preston Carlisle: Yeah. I mean, I’ve been called a modern day – no, I’m done. I can’t.
Cassy Joy: {laughing} Ok. No, that was awesome. That’s really, really great advice. I think you got some great nuggets out there. I hope all the ladies listening; really what I want you guys to get from this is, these are the guys in my life that, like I said, are straight shooters. Preston is not the kind of person to just say something because he thinks that I want him to say that exact thing on this show.
Preston Carlisle: Nope. I don’t care about your feelings.
Cassy Joy: I know! {laughing} I know you don’t. At least not in the context. I hope you guys are taking this to the heart. Essentially, to summarize, if I may. Be yourself, taking care of yourself is nothing to be ashamed of, and if anything it’s an attractive quality that is going to be a really great door opener to dating the guy that you probably really want to be with. And if they are not game for it, then you probably don’t really want to be dating them to begin with. So cool.
Preston Carlisle: Agree.
Cassy Joy: Awesome. Yay! I got Dr. Preston’s stamp of approval. Thanks for joining me on the podcast, Preston.
Preston Carlisle: Thanks for having me!
Cassy Joy: Oh my gosh.
Preston Carlisle: This is an honor.
Cassy Joy: The honor is all mine.
Bachelor number two!
Alrighty, now I’m back with one of my dear friends. Brother from another mother. {laughs} he also happens to be my cousin, Mr. James. James, do you want me to even say your last name, or are you afraid that the paparazzi will show up outside your window?
James Hunter: They’re already waiting, so it’s fine.
Cassy Joy: I can go ahead? Ok, James Hunter. {laughs}
James Hunter: Oh my god. There it is.
Cassy Joy: They already showed up? I am just thrilled to have James on the show today. James is; I was joking, brother from another mother. But we’re cousins, and we’ve known each other my whole life. And we’ve just developed just a friendship over the years. And I love him a lot. I don’t have any brothers. I’m the oldest of us three sisters. And James has always kind of been that really fun cousin. If we ever went out dancing; I still vividly remember going out dancing a few years ago. It was when my youngest sister, Samantha, I think was old enough to go out to clubs. And you were just like this; I don’t even know what. Pit bull {laughs}.
James Hunter: Well, somebody has to fend off the vultures. And I gladly accept the duty.
Cassy Joy: Well, you’re really, really good at it. It cracked me up more than anything. I just remember hanging out with people, and chitchatting, and I look over {laughs} and it’s just kind of like; if you imagine a reality show that spans from these couple of people having a conversation and it broadens the scope, and you see this other person sitting there leaning on the bar just shooting horrible dagger {laughing}.
James Hunter: {Laughs} Those aren’t daggers. That’s my bar face. {laughs}
Cassy Joy: You’re bar face?
James Hunter: How rude. That’s my big brother bar face.
Cassy Joy: {laughing} OH man. I love it so much. Anyway. James and I are great friends. And we talk a lot about, I guess just the dating world at large. I’m now married. And James is actually one of the two guys that helped marry me and Austin, so it’s really special. In the rain. Thanks again for doing that.
James Hunter: Sure.
Cassy Joy: And we’ve talked over the years about; just he’s seen me go through the dating scene, and vice versa. I just think that you’ve got a wealth of information. He is; he won’t say it himself, but he’s one of these devilishly handsome men.
James Hunter: Oh, I’ll say it. I have no problem. {laughs}
Cassy Joy: {laughs}
James Hunter: Just kidding. But thank you.
Cassy Joy: You’re welcome. He really is. He’s a very handsome man, but I also believe him to be one of the really few good men.
James Hunter: Aww.
Cassy Joy: Not that there’s only a few good men. But he’s one of those guys that is actually. {laughs} If you passed him on the street, you’d be like; well, he’s so good looking he’s probably a jerk. {laughing}
James Hunter: Uh-huh.
Cassy Joy: And James isn’t. He’s a total sweetheart, good to the core. And I don’t know. I’m curious to get your thoughts on some of these questions I have for you today. Because there are a lot of ladies who listen to this show. And I think you’d be able to give them some good perspective.
James Hunter: Well let’s do it.
Cassy Joy: Yeah, welcome to the show! Ok. So. To briefly introduce. Today we’re talking about dating a paleo woman according to three non-paleo bachelors. And nowadays, there are more and more of us ladies who are following a healthy lifestyle. We’re fit, and we’re active, and we like to eat healthy foods. And we also like to go out on dates and have a good time. So you being one of them, I’ve asked three of my dear friends to join me on the show to kind of address this directly. What are your thoughts. You’re a very health conscious person, I would say. But you don’t necessarily abide by a very strict protocol. Like so many of us do. And the purpose of this show is to provide kind of well-rounded information. You know? This is the best way to get healthy. This is a really direct route. But here’s a realistic approach to it.
So what are your thoughts about dating a woman who is following a paleo lifestyle?
James Hunter: Well, it’s tricky. Because are we talking about, did I get to have any precursor texts? Did I get to find that information out beforehand, or am I finding out at the dinner table? “I can’t eat anything on this menu.”
Cassy Joy: {laughs}
James Hunter: So as far as dating somebody that’s healthy; I stick to a diet where I watch a lot of things. Like, I went through your elimination diet. And that’s kind of guided me for the last; I mean I only did it last year. But before that, I was never big on breads. I’m not real big on a lot of starchy stuff like pastas and sugars. I’ve not been a huge sugar freak. So when I eat out, or with somebody else, I’m pretty conscientious of what I’d be eating. And so, if we’re talking about dating somebody, and I’ve had a chance to talk through it. Like, you don’t just surprise them, pick them up, and just go somewhere. You’ve got a plan, and you find out ahead of time what they can or can’t eat. Because yeah, you’re right. A lot of people stick to some really stringent diets, and some people have deal breakers as far as that goes.
If they’re paleo, I’d like to say I would have found that out ahead of time and planned for it. I don’t think it’s a huge problem; not for me, anyway. Because there are a lot of places that cater to that nowadays. I can find something moderately healthy anywhere I go. But as far as the girl goes; you want to take them somewhere that they want to go. And obviously they have to have some food that they can eat too. So that’s kind of a big deal. And I think doing your homework ahead of time is key.
Cassy Joy: That’s great. So would you say it’s better to address it before instead of just surprising the guy when you’re at dinner.
James Hunter: Oh yeah, for sure. {laughs} Surprise! I can’t eat here. Let’s go somewhere else. {laughs}
Cassy Joy: I’ll have a few other more lemons with my water, because that’s all I’m going to be eating. {laughs}
James Hunter: No kidding. That could be ugly. And it’s never happened to me, fortunately. I’ve met some people that are diabetic, or they’ve got other issues where they’re very picky about what they eat because of that. I’ve even had some health nuts go out and have an issue with most of the food on the menu. But for the most part, anywhere you go, you can find something. And if you’re that paleo person, or you’re on such a strict diet that you can’t eat anywhere, you need to disclose that ahead of time. Give everybody ample opportunity to prepare for your {laughs} dealings at the dinner table.
Cassy Joy: That’s a good way to put it. Can you think of a right way and a wrong way to tell somebody ahead of time? Because I think this is what has people nervous. I think they probably; some of the people who follow a paleo lifestyle, whether they’re just starting off and they’re just trying to heal. I mean, you’ve seen me eat lots of times. And I’m not strict paleo. I have wine, and I have some dairy. Rice, things like that. But there are some folks who are at the beginning of their healing journey, and they’re just trying to get healthy. So when something is brand new to you like that, you almost don’t know how to talk about it. Or maybe you don’t know how to not be defensive about it. If that makes sense.
So I think that some of the questions I’ve gotten from listeners and readers is that they just don’t even know how to approach it without sounding defensive or sounding; I think they’re afraid that the other person is going to think they’re crazy.
James Hunter: Crazy or soap-boxy.
Cassy Joy: Yes.
James Hunter: I feel like I get that sometimes, also, when I disclose that, “Hey, I eat healthy.” But I don’t know. It shouldn’t be something you’re ashamed of or something that you have to teeter around. Because it’s important to you; just like religion or your family or whatever else. It’s important to your daily life. There is a right and wrong way to go about it, no doubt. And some people get up on their soap box and start preaching to you. And I feel like I kind of do that, and I don’t want that. But I want to lay down some groundwork before I go to Cheesecake Factory and blow my whole year out of the water.
Cassy Joy: {laughs} Mm-hmm. And then whoever you’re talking to, let’s say it went really well and they want to call you back for a date the next day. You’re like; I’m sorry, I’m down for the count. I’m going to be sick for a week. {laughs}
James Hunter: {laughs} Yeah, I’m still processing those carbs from number 74 that I ordered. Yeah.
Cassy Joy: Yeah, exactly. That’s good. And I think; something that kind of weaves you, Preston, and Matt, the other two guys that I’m talking to, together. Is you guys are all grownups. You are grown men that have grown men perspectives. And something that I just want to say for all the ladies listening. Because you guys probably don’t even realize this. But you’re going to get a different response from a grown man than you would from a young man. And, I think that someone like James, who is really mature, and level-headed, and reasonable, who wants; the date isn’t necessarily about. He wants it to be about you and you having a good time as much as it is about him having a good time and getting to know you. Tell me if I’m quoting you wrong, there. Paraphrasing.
James Hunter: No, not at all.
Cassy Joy: But you know, this perspective is something you’re probably going to encounter when you’re talking to or dating a man. A real man. So if you’re not getting this kind of response, I would move on.
James Hunter: Yeah, if they’re not respectful of you, then you’re not dating. You’re Tindering, you know. You or they are in it for the wrong reasons. So if it really matters, and you matter to them, and everybody is respectful of each other’s feelings and wants and whatever it is that makes you happy and things that make you tick, then it shouldn’t be a big deal disclosing; “Hey, I’m pretty conscientious about what I eat.” Because that should come up in conversation, what do you like to eat. Or what sort of things. Where do you like to go? What’s your favorite bar. Favorite restaurant.
So it shouldn’t be a big deal. I mean, just as long as you don’t throw it in people’s face and snap back about it. You know, I imagine the whole {snap, snap} “uh-huh!” You know, snapping. {laughs} I ain’t eating there. I’ve seen that, and it can get kind of dirty. But like I said. You pull out the respect thing, and everybody is an adult about it.
It reminds me of that joke where, it says a CrossFitter, an atheist, and whatever, a paleo person walks into a bar. How do you know? Because they’ve told everybody in the bar within two minutes.
Cassy Joy: {laughs}
James Hunter: That sort of rings true. I’m not dogging any of those. I’m just, some people like to jab it at you that that’s what they do. But if you’re dating, it’s not all about that. If that’s part of you, then weave it into conversation and get to know each other. You don’t have to criticize. Then again, you have people who are unequal as far as their eating habits go, and this is something that I’ve seen a lot in my experience. And that’s tough to deal with. That’s why it’s nice to get it out there in the open in the beginning.
You know, you’re going to pick up their habits, they’re going to pick up your habits. This could be a deal breaker. You may not know it, but it could be one of those things; like drugs for me. Or pills, any of that stuff. It’s a deal breaker. So when you have these things that weigh so heavily in your life, they need to come out. They need to be respectful. Just take it one step at a time. Don’t throw it in someone’s face.
Cassy Joy: I think that’s great. That’s such a great point. Just because, like I do CrossFit too. But I don’t talk about it as much as I used to.
James Hunter: {laughs} Thank god.
Cassy Joy: {laughs} When I first started, and just because whatever community you’re a part of tends to be pretty, I don’t know. They like to talk about it a lot, like you were just saying. It doesn’t mean that you have to be a part of that. And you don’t even have to use the word paleo. If you’re afraid of the buzzword paleo turning people off, something that I would say. When Austin and I first started dating, I would tell him. He’d be like; I was trying to remember how I initially addressed it. I was like, “I try not to eat any grains because they don’t make me feel good. But I can always find something to eat anywhere.”
James Hunter: Yeah.
Cassy Joy: You know? You approach it like that. And then Austin, who is another gentleman. But he went out of his way to still find me a restaurant for when we first started dating. Restaurants that we could go to that had really awesome, grain-free options. Even though I had told him, “I can find something to eat anywhere.” And I still stand by that. If you go to an Italian restaurant, just order a grilled chicken salad and ask for extra chicken, so you’re not starving later.
But it is about that. You don’t have say, “I’m paleo.” And save that conversation for the dinner table, when your partner, or the person you’re dating is sitting across from you, knee deep in a roll.
James Hunter: {laughs} Yeah.
Cassy Joy: You know. And just like James is saying. That’s probably the worst time to go off on a preachy kind of monologue about why you’re paleo.
Something that I’ve learned in my relationships. Because I’ve dated through paleo, and now I’ve been engaged and married following a paleo lifestyle. Just like I’ve learned when it comes to learning a new sport; Austin is not the best person to teach me. You know? Once upon a time; gosh, he tried to teach me something. I think it was tennis. And we’ve just learned that it’s probably better if I get a coach who is not my husband {laughs} to teach me how to play tennis. And on the same token, I do my best not to coach him on nutrition. Unless he asks for it. And that’s always a good telling or milestone. When someone turns to you and asks you for your advice, that’s a good point to give it. But when it comes to relationships, it’s usually best to express where you’re at and try to find a way to do it where you’re not trying to imply that they should be where you are at.
James Hunter: Exactly. Yeah. Nobody wants to be mothered or preached to. That’s good.
Cassy Joy: Mm-hmm. Especially from your romantic interest.
James Hunter: Yes. Good point. {laughs}
Cassy Joy: {laughs}
James Hunter: Please, tell me how unhealthy I am. This is amazing.
Cassy Joy: Tell me more; this is awesome. Would you like another glass of wine? Me neither. {laughing}
James Hunter: And I’ll have another beignet and a knee-deep roll.
Cassy Joy: Oh gosh. Ok, awesome. Well, James, this has been really helpful.
James Hunter: Oh I hope so.
Cassy Joy: Yeah, it really has been. Thank you so much for joining me. My dapper gracious cousin.
James Hunter: Oh, you are gracious, thank you.
Cassy Joy: You want me to say more things?
James Hunter: Yes. Go for it. I want the full breadth and depth of my beauty online.
Cassy Joy: {laughing} Spoken like a true business development professional right there. James Hunter.
James Hunter: Thank you, thank you. This was fun. I liked this.
Cassy Joy: Oh good.
James Hunter: I thought the whole video thing was going to happen. Now your picture popped up.
Cassy Joy: Oh good.
James Hunter: But it looks weird.
Cassy Joy: Well, that’s on purpose.
James Hunter: Oh good.
Cassy Joy: It’s airbrushed.
James Hunter: The whole picture. Just has a film over it.
Cassy Joy: I don’t know actually how to air brush things, so I just make the whole picture fuzzy. {laughing}
James Hunter: You just say it’s airbrushed. {laughs}
Cassy Joy: Exactly. Thanks again James.
James Hunter: You’re welcome, thank you.
Cassy Joy: Yes sir.
Lastly, bachelor number three.
Ok. And back for my third and final interview, I’m so excited to introduce you guys to a very dear friend of mine. His name is Dr. Matt; Matt can I tell them your last name or do you want to be incognito?
Matt Vasquez: I don’t care. You don’t have to call me Dr. Matt, either.
Cassy Joy: Well I’m just going to call you straight up Dr. Matt then. {laughs}
Matt Vasquez: {laughing}
Cassy Joy: I’m going to make you feel really comfortable. Dr. Matt Vasquez. Matt and I met at Texas A&M University, back in the day. We’ve known each other for, I don’t know, 10 years.
Matt Vasquez: Yeah, quite a while. It is 10 years, right. Yeah.
Cassy Joy: Yeah. And Matt was; he really is another, he’s a friend that I really do think of as a brother; always have. My parents love him. They always ask if we’ve caught up with Matt and how he’s doing. Right now, he’s actually living in Bethesda, Maryland. He is a general surgery resident at Walter Reed. I’m very proud of him. He’s an awesome guy. He’s another gentleman. He’s an adult, so he’s going to be able to give you some really great perspectives from really just what it’s like to date. Well, let me rephrase that.
Matt Vasquez: Adult. I don’t know about adult, but ok.
Cassy Joy: Matt’s a big boy.
Matt Vasquez: Yeah! {laughs}
Cassy Joy: {laughing}
Matt Vasquez: {falsetto} Matt’s a real boy. {laughs}
Cassy Joy: Ok. Matt is a general surgery resident at Walter Reed in Bethesda Maryland. I’m really proud of him. He’s wonderfully accomplished. He’s got a great sense of humor. He’s always been somebody that I’ve felt confident and comfortable confiding in. He’s always given me great advice. So I thought; who better to bring to the show than my awesome friend, Matt. He’s such a gem. He just got home from working really long shifts, and he’s hopping onto this call anyways. So thanks so much for joining me, Matt.
Matt Vasquez: Hi! {laughs}
Cassy Joy: That was good. That was your first kind of word on a podcast.
Matt Vasquez: I know.
Cassy Joy: Congratulations.
Matt Vasquez: This is just like Serial.
Cassy Joy: It is. Do you feel like you’re on Serial?
Matt Vasquez: A little bit.
Cassy Joy: {laughs} Except today we’re going to debunk the mystery that is dating a paleo woman. So to kind of brief you, Matt. Nowadays you know there are more and more of us ladies who are following a healthy lifestyle. We’re fit, active, and we like to eat healthy foods. But we also like to go out on really fun dates. So I’ve asked three of you guys, my dear friends, to join me to answer some of these questions directly. So, to kick things off. What is your perspective, and feel free to give me all or as many of your thoughts that you have, on dating somebody who follows a paleo lifestyle.
Matt Vasquez: Well, it’s not too bad, I don’t think. I dated one girl who was very paleo at one time. It wasn’t too hard. I can pretty much eat anything. So that wasn’t really a big deal. It was just more of having to be more conscience of what we were eating, I guess. because I didn’t get this size by eating paleo, let’s put it that way. You know what I mean?
I kind of want to go out and have dinner. I work all the time, so I always want to go out and have dinner and have a good time, drink whatever, eat whatever, and just kind of experience food, whatever. But occasionally, it can be difficult at times because you have to stick to the whole paleo, caveman, whatever you guys call it, thing. As the listeners can tell, I do not do paleo. {laughs}
Cassy Joy: Yeah. None of you do. And that’s kind of why I wanted to bring you on. You guys have an awesome awareness of really just health in general. Health and wellness. And you also really respect people and their choices. And it’s just kind of picking your brain on the best ways, I guess, us gals can approach the situation. You know. If we are dating somebody who doesn’t follow. Austin definitely is not paleo. He just happens to eat what I cook sometimes.
Matt Vasquez: That’s what yeah; that’s why I like him.
Cassy Joy: {laughs}
Matt Vasquez: It’s not hard dating a girl that’s paleo. I mean, I think girls can be more conscious and understand that guys aren’t going to do it. But for the most part it really wasn’t that hard. Because when I cooked; I’m not an unhealthy person when I cook. But when I cook, they were always fine with it. And then of course, when they cook their paleo stuff, I would just eat whatever. You can just put any food in front of me and I will just scarf it down really fast. So it was really; I would say it wasn’t really that hard. There wasn’t anything you have to prep yourself for when you’re dating someone that eats paleo all the time. It’s just kind of like go with it, and understand they’re going to try some things and you have to do the whole boyfriend thing where you’re eating and you’re like, “oh my god this is so good.” But in your mind you’re like, “Oh my god, this is the worst thing in the world.” You know what I mean?
Cassy Joy: {laughs}
Matt Vasquez: So you just kind of had to go with it. It’s not that hard, honestly.
Cassy Joy: Those were any of my recipes, were they? {laughs}
Matt Vasquez: Um. Of course not, Cassy. Of course not. And then I always try to make paleo things for her at times. Because she had this book. I think it was Nom Nom Paleo, I think it was. So it was pretty easy. It was a huge book. It was a bunch of recipes, so it was always easy to find something. My thing with paleo is, as long as it has some kind of meat in it, I’m fine. So that’s pretty easy to find stuff, and make stuff, and enjoy it together.
Cassy Joy: That’s awesome. That’s really sweet. So I guess what you’re getting at is it’s not a big deal.
Matt Vasquez: No, it’s not a big deal at all. People that make it a big deal are just; they’re looking for an excuse probably not to date that person. Or just are a pain in the ass. I mean, good god, once you get older it’s like; why be so picky about things. Just enjoy things, and try new things, and enjoy life. Screw it if someone wants to eat whatever they want to eat all the time. Try new things, enjoy things. That can make dating fun. And you either like the person because of a bunch of things that are impressive about them, or you don’t like them. But being paleo is not one thing that should be a deal break.
Cassy Joy: Oh, that’s good. That’s a quotable quote, friend.
Matt Vasquez: Plus everyone likes wine, so that’s paleo, so. {laughs}
Cassy Joy: Well, you know. Yeah. It depends on who you ask. I definitely partake in wine.
Matt Vasquez: I know.
Cassy Joy: {laughing}
Matt Vasquez: And champagne, so.
Cassy Joy: And champagne.
Matt Vasquez: It’s just weird that we’re doing this and not getting pedicures, you know what I mean.
Cassy Joy: It really is. I’m glad you brought that up.
Matt Vasquez: {laughing}
Cassy Joy: {laughs} When I originally wrote what I was going to say about you, I was going to say was that one of our favorite pastimes together is sitting in a pedicure.
Matt Vasquez: That’s fine. I don’t get embarrassed. You can tell people, I don’t care.
Cassy Joy: Yeah. You don’t get embarrassed. The one time we were sitting there getting a pedicure.
Matt Vasquez: Oh yeah! {laughing} The first time. It was the first time.
Cassy Joy: It was the first time. Matt, just to paint you guys a picture. He’s not a slight man. How tall are you? You’re like…
Matt Vasquez: 6’2”.
Cassy Joy: He’s a tall dude. He’s definitely a man’s man. And we’re sitting there in these pedicure chairs in San Antonio, Texas. And he’s just humoring me. And I even brought in; I think we brought in champagne, or something.
Matt Vasquez: We did. I think your mom was there too. We brought champagne and it was good. We were just sitting there drinking.
Cassy Joy: It was so much fun! We were having a good time.
Matt Vasquez: They put that warm stuff on my feet that got all the bad stuff off of it. I don’t really know. This little Asian chick was scrubbing my foot, and I kept laughing because it was real ticklish. Remember?
Cassy Joy: You are the most literally, there were 50 people in this giant nail salon, and I think they all sat up to turn around and look at Matt.
Matt Vasquez: {laughing}
Cassy Joy: He was laughing so hard. And anyway, we’re sitting there. He’s having a good time. And he was so nervous. I got him to go, because I was like, “You don’t know anybody in San Antonio.”
Matt Vasquez: Yeah.
Cassy Joy: Nobody is going to show up that you know. And sure enough, this lady walks in and goes, “Matt? Is that you?” {laughs}
Matt Vasquez: {laughing} Yeah, it was one of my friends from college, from hospitality. We had known each other for like 3 years. And she was like, oh my god. And of course, she had a Facebook post.
Cassy Joy: {laughs}
Matt Vasquez: “Haven’t seen Matt Vasquez in like 5 years, but I see him at a pedicure salon in San Antonio.” So it was wonderful. But I still go to this day. I go with you every time I see you, I think. And my current girlfriend the other day was like, I just really want a pedicure. And I was like, oh my god I love pedicures. {laughs} And so.
Cassy Joy: Did you save that nugget for when y’all had already gotten in the relationship, or did you tell her on the first date? You should know this about me. I like pedicures.
Matt Vasquez: I know right. A couple of things you need to know about me. I don’t do paleo. I’m just kidding.
Cassy Joy: {laughing}
Matt Vasquez: No. It was a couple of months into it. And she was like, “I really want a pedicure.” I think I was complaining my feet were hurting or something, and she was like, “I really want a pedicure.” And I was like, oh perfect because I love pedicures. Let’s get two bottles of champagne and go to the place a block from our house. So {laughs} it was lovely.
Cassy Joy: That sounds lovely. She’s a very, very lucky lady.
Matt Vasquez: Yeah. I’m going to record that part and show it to her. I’m just kidding. {laughs}
Cassy Joy: {laughs} well that’s awesome. I guess what I want you guys to get from all of these interviews is that there are really sweet, amazing men out there. And at the end of the day, like Matt said, if someone is going to give you a hard time about the way you choose to eat. Even if you’re just healing yourself. If you’re trying to get over something. Which is usually when people are really strict paleo. Is when they’re trying to heal or meet a certain goal. Then they’re using it as an excuse. And it’s good to use that as an opportunity to move on to the next person.
Matt Vasquez: Yeah.
Cassy Joy: That’s really great. What would you say; when is the best time to tell somebody that you follow a paleo lifestyle?
Matt Vasquez: So I don’t know, I don’t believe; I mean. I’m not the most successful dater, obviously we all know this. But I don’t think there’s any point in lying or hiding who you are on the first date.
Cassy Joy: Yeah.
Matt Vasquez: You just tell people whenever you start; the first time you have drinks with them. I mean, obviously don’t sit down, grab some water, and be like, “Oh my god. By the way, I’ve got to tell you. I eat paleo.” No, let’s not get crazy here, alright. But obviously, so first dates. I think I’ve only really been on like 4 or 5 first dates; like real first dates. But the first date is always discovering with the other person. And everyone always complains, like, “Oh my god, the first date is the hardest date.” I think the first date is the easiest date. Because it’s like, you just ask a bunch of questions to this girl and feed her alcohol. You know?
Cassy Joy: {laughing}
Matt Vasquez: So, you can just ask a bunch of questions. And eventually, it’s going to come. First dates, my most recent first date with my current girlfriend. First of all, neither of us realized it was a date until five dates later, that we realized the first date was actually the first date. We were just talking for like three hours about everything random. And then it’s easy to slip in during that time, “Oh hey, by the way. I follow this lifestyle that my friend, Dr. Matt, doesn’t believe in.” I’m just kidding.
But yeah. Just be honest with people on the first date. Because it’s stupid if you hide it or try to be someone you’re not for like 5 or 6 dates. And granted, like we talked about earlier. Being paleo really shouldn’t be a deal breaker. If someone uses that as a deal breaker, then they obviously don’t really like you. But let’s just be honest on the first or second date. Especially if you go out to dinner. Just be honest about. Especially because you don’t want the guy to take you to some restaurant where you’re not going to be able to eat anything because you strictly follow this paleo lifestyle. It’s just easier to be up front and yourself, and then you guys can figure out if you like yourself or not. And if you don’t like yourself, especially in the days of Tinder, Match, Bumble. What the hell else is out there?
Cassy Joy: Oh my gosh. There’s more?
Matt Vasquez: Yeah, I’m intimately involved in several friend’s dating lives online. So I know all about this stuff. But especially with the smorgasbord of availability of females and men out there. Just be honest the first time. If they don’t like it, that’s fine. Move on. I would just say, the short answer to that very long response is, you should just tell people when you feel comfortable in the first few dates.
Cassy Joy: I think that’s great. That’s great advice. It doesn’t have to be an elephant in the room. It doesn’t have to be anything that you’re trying to hide. And I think that it kind of comes down to we’re all adults, we’re all grownups, and you can just share a part of who you are and what you’re up to. Just kind of like telling what you do for a living.
Matt Vasquez: Yeah.
Cassy Joy: Well this is good. This is so helpful. So you have any other nuggets of wisdom for these ladies listening? And maybe there are some dudes that also listen too.
Matt Vasquez: Probably not. But I’m just kidding. I don’t know, nuggets about what, dating?
Cassy Joy: Yeah. Just, advice. If you had to give girls advice about dating.
Matt Vasquez: See, it’s hard to give dating advice now, I feel. Because me and my friends were talking about this the other day. And it’s like, what is the hardest part about dating in this society, you know? And me and my buddy were talking. One of my buddy’s; he’s one of the people I saw on every dating website in the world. And I really think one of the hardest parts about dating these days is there is so much technology of the day and age. For instance; if we had just met, I could go find you on Facebook in like 2 seconds. All I need is your name. This is kind of creepy. I promise I’m not a stalker. But really on Facebook, all I need is your name and another data point and I can find you.
I think dating is super hard these days because first off, there’s always a better option. When you’re on these websites. And there’s also no secret about anyone anymore. I can find out anything I want to know about anyone in a matter of seconds online. So it kind of takes the fun out of dating. Especially with all the online dating and stuff like that. So I don’t really have any great advice.
I just think that I feel bad for people. I’m really lucky right now that I have, the girl I’m currently dating right now, I met her at work. And I tried online dating a couple of times. I hated it. I hate online dating. For the brief minute I did online dating, I freaking hated it. But I just got lucky that I met her at work and we just kind of hit it off, went out for a few drinks, and then all the other good stuff.
Again, it’s hard to give people advice in this day and age because I feel like it’s so much different than back in the day. Back when we were in college, you met someone at the bar, you met someone through friends. Facebook was just coming up, so it wasn’t like, I couldn’t find your bikini picture, or the ex-boyfriend picture or anything like that online. I just met you, got to know you, and if we liked it we hit it off. Now it’s so hard. Because there’s always another option on the Tinder. You know what I mean? Or there’s no secret about anyone. You know everything about everyone the minute you meet them. So I actually feel kind of bad for people who have to.
Who knows, I might be single after this conversation. I’m just kidding.
Cassy Joy: I think you’ve been great. I think there is actually a lot of wisdom in that. And maybe the point is; I think there are people who have great success with online dating.
Matt Vasquez: Oh yeah. My buddy’s an expert at it.
Cassy Joy: Yeah. But I know folks who have gotten married and are super happy. Kind of a happily ever after kind of story. But, Austin and I, we met back in college. I just think there’s a lot to be said with putting down your phone.
Matt Vasquez: Yeah.
Cassy Joy: And getting out into the world and socializing for real. Joining a gym, meeting people there, and just make it. I know it’s probably more effort, and it’s probably scarier. Because it’s not what we’re used to. But getting to know people face to face.
Matt Vasquez: Yeah.
Cassy Joy: Somebody that I really respect online, he says, “We need more social and less media.”
Matt Vasquez: Oh yeah. Exactly. Yeah.
Cassy Joy: Well you guys, you can find Matt in Bethesda. I’m just kidding {laughs}.
Matt Vasquez: {laughing} So, ladies, if you’re looking for a good time. Feel free to look up Matt at… just kidding.
Cassy Joy: {laughs}
Matt Vasquez: I moved to Bethesda; it’s like, I do not like living up here. {laughs} Especially if you’re from Texas.
Cassy Joy: Yeah, right now. I was bragging a little bit earlier. It’s 70-something degrees here. And Matt was telling me it’s 19 there. So.
Matt Vasquez: And there was a blizzard recently, where there’s like 3 feet of snow. So that was awful.
Cassy Joy: You know, I was such a jerk. When that blizzard happened to you guys. We went on a walk that morning, and it had frozen the night before.
Matt Vasquez: {laughs}
Cassy Joy: And there was this frost on the weeds where we walk by, and I took a video of it, and I said “This is Texas snow.” {laughs}
Matt Vasquez: {laughing} I would have killed you.
Cassy Joy: I know.
Matt Vasquez: I was stuck at the hospital for like 48 hours because of the blizzard.
Cassy Joy: Oh no, I’m so sorry.
Matt Vasquez: It’s fine. Whatever.
Cassy Joy: Yeah. Ok. Awesome. Well I’m going to let you go, Matt. Thank you so much for logging on. You guys, remember if you’ve got more questions, feel free to pop them in in the comments below, and I’ll see if I can get you some more answers.
Thanks for tuning in. We’ll be back again next week.
